Wednesday, August 29, 2007
♥ From call center moments to depression
I remember months and months ago when mom finallymade me agree that I'll try and apply in call centers. She's still trying to make apply... but i just stay quiet.
A friend of mine (I dunno if we're still friends... probably not on the same level of friendship we had before) helped me through "tutorials" to help me build up my confidence. It kinda worked, and we had fun. But when the time came for me to apply somewhere near Sm Mall of Asia, I freaked out and backed out.
Why? Because of the last encounters I had in this call center recruiting agency.. or something. I was dressed up, with my leather shoes giving me blisters already, and i was convincing myself really hard to be comfortable and confident during the interview.
I thought I had passed since I was told I will be called soon.
And then (after much waiting, text messages, a misunderstanding between my friend of mine and I, and a damn pricey taxi ride) my friend told me that I wasn't actually accepted. I asked why. He said I wasn't given the written test and that the call center they reffered me to was... well, not going to accept me.
A month or so afterward, after my friend and I finally got into a quarrel with him saying he is so over supporting me in finding a call center job, mom made me agree again to apply in People Suppost with my dad's friend Jo. She was working there at that time and offered to help me through.
(Not exactly the exact convo... just based from my memory.)
Try #1: I'm all dressed up (again) and when the interview came, I failed one question. "Until what year did you finish in college?"
Me: "Second year..." (I am so unsure of my answer because... I don't know what to answer. Basically I was starting second year when our financila problems became worse and I had to drop out.)
Interviewer: "You finished all subjects?"
Me: "AH... no, I had to drop out..."
Interviewer: "Sorry, but we only accept students who reached their second year of college..."
Me: "... Oh but I reached my second year. I can do this job..."
Interviewer: *looks at line of people behind me* I'm sorry. Do return here when you finished your second year."
Me: (Freaking out lol) But you don't get it, I got dropped out of college because of financial problems. That's why I need this job. Because I need the money. (I was about to say something like..."And you're @&^%$ telling me to go back to college first before I apply?! The hell?!)
Of course, she declined and I sauntered away. That was very humiliating. I pleaded! And i think that's one of the no-no's in applying for a job, letting them see you in a freaking and pleading mode.
With all the drama and feet blisters, I am so sure call centers are not the place where I wanna work. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's a wonderful place for other, but not me. I don't think I'll be happy working there.
I think that's teh problem with me. I know our family needs money, I know I should get a job before going back to college. And I know call centers give a huge amount of salary. BUT I STILL WON'T DO IT! Because I know it's not something that'll make me happy.
I feel really bad though. Because here I am at home, doing video work for my parents, not complaining if I don't get paid... and I feel as if I'm not doing something to help them with our financial struggle.
Which leads to me being depressed and feeling inferior, and being hopeless. The one person who seems to understand everything I'm feeling is Chester. I've been pushed a lot of times to find work... but I just can't seem to, especially with call centers.
Maybe I'm just too scared to follow everyone's footsteps and do what they're doing. I want to do what I want to. I want to be working in a place I know would make me happy. And it's the opposite of what mom wants (although don't get me wrong, she's not the too-pushy type of mom, she suggests at some point.. and suggests the same thing a month from now).
When I get back to college, I'm planning on taking Multimedia arts, since I know I have a bit of passion in it. I love to draw and I am creative, compared to the other people in this family lol. And I really want it. And then a couple of days ago, mom suggested that maybe I should try BS English. Because it's what's in demenad in other countries.
Not that it's a bad suggestion but... I just don't want it. Being the coward that I am, I am still mum over her suggestion. And being the good kid I think I am, I am doubting the things I want over the things I'm supposed to choose, because it was told by someone you respect and love.
Either way, I'll feel guilty at some point. And I guess I could only lean on to prayers for help.
A friend of mine (I dunno if we're still friends... probably not on the same level of friendship we had before) helped me through "tutorials" to help me build up my confidence. It kinda worked, and we had fun. But when the time came for me to apply somewhere near Sm Mall of Asia, I freaked out and backed out.
Why? Because of the last encounters I had in this call center recruiting agency.. or something. I was dressed up, with my leather shoes giving me blisters already, and i was convincing myself really hard to be comfortable and confident during the interview.
I thought I had passed since I was told I will be called soon.
And then (after much waiting, text messages, a misunderstanding between my friend of mine and I, and a damn pricey taxi ride) my friend told me that I wasn't actually accepted. I asked why. He said I wasn't given the written test and that the call center they reffered me to was... well, not going to accept me.
A month or so afterward, after my friend and I finally got into a quarrel with him saying he is so over supporting me in finding a call center job, mom made me agree again to apply in People Suppost with my dad's friend Jo. She was working there at that time and offered to help me through.
(Not exactly the exact convo... just based from my memory.)
Try #1: I'm all dressed up (again) and when the interview came, I failed one question. "Until what year did you finish in college?"
Me: "Second year..." (I am so unsure of my answer because... I don't know what to answer. Basically I was starting second year when our financila problems became worse and I had to drop out.)
Interviewer: "You finished all subjects?"
Me: "AH... no, I had to drop out..."
Interviewer: "Sorry, but we only accept students who reached their second year of college..."
Me: "... Oh but I reached my second year. I can do this job..."
Interviewer: *looks at line of people behind me* I'm sorry. Do return here when you finished your second year."
Me: (Freaking out lol) But you don't get it, I got dropped out of college because of financial problems. That's why I need this job. Because I need the money. (I was about to say something like..."And you're @&^%$ telling me to go back to college first before I apply?! The hell?!)
Of course, she declined and I sauntered away. That was very humiliating. I pleaded! And i think that's one of the no-no's in applying for a job, letting them see you in a freaking and pleading mode.
With all the drama and feet blisters, I am so sure call centers are not the place where I wanna work. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's a wonderful place for other, but not me. I don't think I'll be happy working there.
I think that's teh problem with me. I know our family needs money, I know I should get a job before going back to college. And I know call centers give a huge amount of salary. BUT I STILL WON'T DO IT! Because I know it's not something that'll make me happy.
I feel really bad though. Because here I am at home, doing video work for my parents, not complaining if I don't get paid... and I feel as if I'm not doing something to help them with our financial struggle.
Which leads to me being depressed and feeling inferior, and being hopeless. The one person who seems to understand everything I'm feeling is Chester. I've been pushed a lot of times to find work... but I just can't seem to, especially with call centers.
Maybe I'm just too scared to follow everyone's footsteps and do what they're doing. I want to do what I want to. I want to be working in a place I know would make me happy. And it's the opposite of what mom wants (although don't get me wrong, she's not the too-pushy type of mom, she suggests at some point.. and suggests the same thing a month from now).
When I get back to college, I'm planning on taking Multimedia arts, since I know I have a bit of passion in it. I love to draw and I am creative, compared to the other people in this family lol. And I really want it. And then a couple of days ago, mom suggested that maybe I should try BS English. Because it's what's in demenad in other countries.
Not that it's a bad suggestion but... I just don't want it. Being the coward that I am, I am still mum over her suggestion. And being the good kid I think I am, I am doubting the things I want over the things I'm supposed to choose, because it was told by someone you respect and love.
Either way, I'll feel guilty at some point. And I guess I could only lean on to prayers for help.
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
12:06 PM
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12:06 PM
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