Thursday, September 6, 2007
♥ It's a sign
I swear it's a goddamn sign!
While having dinner last night, my dad casually told me that Living Asia has has trouble with finances and that I need to find work. My mom continued, saying that I'll be taking "courses" in First Academy.
I've told God (and Chester) that if soemthing came up on October regarding college and finances, it's a sign: I won't be taking college, at least not any time soon.
I guess I took teh news yesterday night quite well. I finished my dinner and just stayed quiet until I slept. It was hard not to cry but I managed not to. I think I've already let my tears fell out last time when Chester and I had a talk about college and my depression.
For two years now I've been waiting to come back to college. Because I really believe that if one has finished college, one would have a better life. I've been craving for a better life for our family ever since I had to drop out of The Manila Times. I do work as a video editor (with which the payment for all the work I've done is given all to my mom for the family budget) and I don't think it's helping us anymore.
Before I slept, I was thinking that if this is the sign that I have waited for two years (I've waited because I was always told that I'll be coming back to study in college again and I was very very hopeful about it), then... I would have to find a job. Soon.
For a long time now, I've been scared of looking for a job (remember my Call Center moments? Yeah.) Because I know I can't do it yet. And besides, call centers look for undergraduates who have at least reached their 2nd year in college. I had to drop out when the first semester of my second year was about to start. Bad timing, huh? Call centers give a nice amount of payment, but since I don't fit the requirements, I have to look for another kind of job.
So Call Center Agent? Hopeless case for me.
Stripper? Oh please, like I have a killer body worth stripping with. (It's a joke, Stripppers are out of the question.)
Just like in DeviantArt, How about I draw for a couple of bucks (like... P500 per drawing?!) Oh who am I kidding I'm not that good in drawing either.
Web designer? Hell I don't know what to do with it. I only know basics and I have helped in bringing up Bamaboo Organ's website.
How about I work in fastfood chains? The payment wouldn't suffice.
Oh well... whatever happens, happens. I'll be all right. If I end up not posting for 3 months straight, then I have probably commited suicide and died due to deperession. (I'm supposed to say it's a joke... but now, I'm not sure if I'm even joking about it.)
I'm preparing my mind that I won't be able to study again. (Maybe I will study again if I got to save a good amount of money...) I need to find a work that won't suit what I want. I need a job. Any kind of job. I need the money. My family needs the fucking money! And I need to sacrifice! Who cares about what I want. God has already shoved my ass on the streets and is telling me to get a move on.
I shouldn't be treated like a baby anymore. It's time for me to grow up. And from the looks of it, the adult world is one messed up and depressing shit that revolves around lots and lots of moolah.
Can't you tell I'm trying hard not to sound angry & depressed?
While having dinner last night, my dad casually told me that Living Asia has has trouble with finances and that I need to find work. My mom continued, saying that I'll be taking "courses" in First Academy.
I've told God (and Chester) that if soemthing came up on October regarding college and finances, it's a sign: I won't be taking college, at least not any time soon.
I guess I took teh news yesterday night quite well. I finished my dinner and just stayed quiet until I slept. It was hard not to cry but I managed not to. I think I've already let my tears fell out last time when Chester and I had a talk about college and my depression.
For two years now I've been waiting to come back to college. Because I really believe that if one has finished college, one would have a better life. I've been craving for a better life for our family ever since I had to drop out of The Manila Times. I do work as a video editor (with which the payment for all the work I've done is given all to my mom for the family budget) and I don't think it's helping us anymore.
Before I slept, I was thinking that if this is the sign that I have waited for two years (I've waited because I was always told that I'll be coming back to study in college again and I was very very hopeful about it), then... I would have to find a job. Soon.
For a long time now, I've been scared of looking for a job (remember my Call Center moments? Yeah.) Because I know I can't do it yet. And besides, call centers look for undergraduates who have at least reached their 2nd year in college. I had to drop out when the first semester of my second year was about to start. Bad timing, huh? Call centers give a nice amount of payment, but since I don't fit the requirements, I have to look for another kind of job.
So Call Center Agent? Hopeless case for me.
Stripper? Oh please, like I have a killer body worth stripping with. (It's a joke, Stripppers are out of the question.)
Just like in DeviantArt, How about I draw for a couple of bucks (like... P500 per drawing?!) Oh who am I kidding I'm not that good in drawing either.
Web designer? Hell I don't know what to do with it. I only know basics and I have helped in bringing up Bamaboo Organ's website.
How about I work in fastfood chains? The payment wouldn't suffice.
Oh well... whatever happens, happens. I'll be all right. If I end up not posting for 3 months straight, then I have probably commited suicide and died due to deperession. (I'm supposed to say it's a joke... but now, I'm not sure if I'm even joking about it.)
I'm preparing my mind that I won't be able to study again. (Maybe I will study again if I got to save a good amount of money...) I need to find a work that won't suit what I want. I need a job. Any kind of job. I need the money. My family needs the fucking money! And I need to sacrifice! Who cares about what I want. God has already shoved my ass on the streets and is telling me to get a move on.
I shouldn't be treated like a baby anymore. It's time for me to grow up. And from the looks of it, the adult world is one messed up and depressing shit that revolves around lots and lots of moolah.
Can't you tell I'm trying hard not to sound angry & depressed?
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
9:17 AM
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9:17 AM
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