Monday, February 11, 2008
♥ Hope hurts
Earlier this week it seems that my body really can't adjust to my graveyard shift and I really felt sick. Like fatigue, cough, cold and sore throat all rolled into one. I've been advised to take a rest for a week so that I'll feel better. I was also told that if this kind of job just makes me sick, I might as well resign. Plus the fact that my team's statistics is being dragged down due to my absences. I admit the large pay really is nice but the fatigue/grave yard shift for 5 days a week plus the overtime of 1-2 hours per night is just killing me. They'll probably offer me a part time job but it's in Marikina! It's too damn far from my current call center. At best, I need to find a part time job just near in Alabang.
Anyways, the thought of going back to college again is haunting me. Seriously, like I even thought that I'm gonna take up an in-demand course thingy to please my parents. I'm not even gonna think of taking up the real course I like because in the end, it won't make much money. But yeah, who cares? I mean I know I wouldn't be going back to school in 2-3 years, maybe more... Maybe I really wouldn't even get the chance to study again. It's just that the hope of being able to study again keeps appearing and I end up being too optimistic. I will hear promises again that I will be studying again but in the end, I just keep hurting myself by being hopeful. Even with my current job, even if I was healthy today, I wouldn't be able to save up because there's just too many financial issues at home that needs to be taken cared of. In reality, I really don't think I'll be studying again. And it hurts.
Sometimes I wish I could just run away, be someone with a different life. Suicide even seemed inviting. I want to escape my life right now. I hate being hopeful and end up getting nothing. I give up.
Anyways, the thought of going back to college again is haunting me. Seriously, like I even thought that I'm gonna take up an in-demand course thingy to please my parents. I'm not even gonna think of taking up the real course I like because in the end, it won't make much money. But yeah, who cares? I mean I know I wouldn't be going back to school in 2-3 years, maybe more... Maybe I really wouldn't even get the chance to study again. It's just that the hope of being able to study again keeps appearing and I end up being too optimistic. I will hear promises again that I will be studying again but in the end, I just keep hurting myself by being hopeful. Even with my current job, even if I was healthy today, I wouldn't be able to save up because there's just too many financial issues at home that needs to be taken cared of. In reality, I really don't think I'll be studying again. And it hurts.
Sometimes I wish I could just run away, be someone with a different life. Suicide even seemed inviting. I want to escape my life right now. I hate being hopeful and end up getting nothing. I give up.
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
2:38 PM
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2:38 PM
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